OFNR and 4d's: Parting of the Communication Ways

Second class of conflict management and communication was a bit about wants and needs again but this time it was about these and their effects on our communication with others. We started out the discussion with the needs and feelings tree where the roots of a tree are our needs and not visible and our feelings as the body of the tree, which is vivid compared to our needs and this shows our feelings are based on our needs.

We have many numbers of dialogues in our daily lives, some can be positive some can be neutral and some can be negative. We can call the negative ones "the enemy fire" where someone can tell you that "you are not a team player". There are three things that one can do after the enemy fire, he/she can freeze; wonder what he/she will do next, flight; he/she can runaway from this unpleasant dialogue, or one can fight back by defending himself or counterattacking. The enemy fire and the counter attacks that we are dealing with have references, and they are our observations. We observe people and events around us and get some facts. We have interpretations about these facts, these interpretations results in the feelings that we feel because we have needs, and if our needs are fulfilled or the opposite, we will be eventually happy or sad, confident or unconfident etc. One must request from another in order to fulfill their needs. People must do empathy, understanding how another person feels or can feel is having empathy.

We "O"bserve, therefore we "F"eel because we have "N"eeds and that's why we "R"equest actions for our needs to be fulfilled. This is the OFNR model and this model can be used by the mutual connection of one to another.

Than we have 4d's of disconnection which is diagnosing, denying responsibility, demanding and deserving. One must not use this because this leads to a disconnected communication and that's why the mutual need fulfillment will not be accomplished.

At the end we talked about the poetry of Rumi;

"Beyond right doing and wrong doing, there is a field; I'll meet you there."

This tells us that there isn't a specific right or wrong for the people that are trying to communicate and understand each other but there is the field of trying to find the best solution, by using the most positive and collaborative techniques. Empathy, is the key to collaboration which unlocks the door of mutual sympathy.

With 3 different exercises we have covered observations, feelings, and needs. By spotting these from simple monologues I had  deeper understanding of the OFNR model, I even applied it on my own life. I thought about my communication skills with other people, and I've decided that I was not expressing myself good enough; I'm good at expressing my feelings maybe but I don't really state my observations and needs to others so that they can understand why I'm feeling that way. That's why I sometimes can't request something from these people, that's why disconnection can occur even if I don't use the 4d's. 

Should be a good start for expressing myself better.

Humanistic Psychology: A Closer Look to Our Needs and Wants

Humanistic Psychology is about our needs and wants and our strategies to get them; basically it's about the free will and our choices as individuals in our lives, to get a desired payoff from a certain situation. Everybody have needs and wants in their lives so the basic thing we must understand is that these needs that are waiting to be fulfilled are mutual, just like every other individuals.

We have some basic needs in our lives like air, water, food, healthcare, security etc. Other than that we have other needs in the society that we are living in. We have made a list in our discussion with Giuseppe, came up with great amount of examples for our needs; we had an example to discuss; a boss and his/her assistant for example. In this example we talked about the mutual needs of these people; the boss needs and wants a certain assistance for his assistant because he or she's hired to do so to weaken the amount of work the boss can handle. On the other hand the assistant is waiting to be appreciated by his work done by his boss so that he can be motivated. There are many strategies to fulfill these kind of needs and wants but its obvious that we must be aware that everybody have needs just like we do, and act according to that. Sometimes helping an individual to get his/her need and want can be a strategy to have what you want and need. 

I have taken couple of psychology courses in Sabancı and one of them was Social Psychology. So, Maslow's triangle of needs was nothing new for me but it really gave the nuance of what we are really talking about about when we are dealing with needs and wants as individuals, the keystone of the society. 

Maslow's theory is that in order to fulfill a need, you must first fulfill the basic needs, so it goes up layer by layer. If we want safety and security, we must have our physiological needs like air, water, food and shelter. If we want self esteem, we must have love and belongingness, safety and our physiological needs. This can be shown as a good example for the needs and wants of the individuals in a society, even if its not proven. I think the bottom layer; physiological needs are true, but others can be in a matrix form. 

Introduction

This is my first blog entry. I am a student in Sabanci University, waiting to be graduated by the end of January 2014. I am studying Management in the university and this summer, I am attending to this course MGMT 450, by Giuseppe Totino our Italian instructor. Throughout the semester, I will be blogging about our discussions in the class and my reflections as an individual. The course is a fun course to take in summer because summer is a season where people share and socialize; Summer is not a formal season compared to other seasons. Its a lot warmer, and I'm feeling lucky by getting this kind of course which is warm in context, and I really think that it's going to help me a lot in my upcoming business life, where a lot of people see it as "the real life". I couldn't attend to first week of the classes due to my trip to my homeland, so I will be blogging about my reflections starting from the second week. 

Ciao!